Ask Cousin Willie: Buzzed in Boise wonders "the beer or the lady?"

Dear Cousin Willie,


I've been watching that commercial where the guy has his girlfriend ask him who he'd choose between saving his beer and saving her life, and when he doesn't answer right away she gets mad and stomps off.


Have you ever been in that situation?


Buzzed in Boise


Dear Buzzed,

I am appalled that you would even ask me such a question!  Of course I been in that situation.  In fact, many is the time that I have had to choose between my beer and my lady.  And it might surprise you to learn that I choose the lady every time.  Let me 'splain.

Women are much better able to withstand the rigors of a dangerous situation.  An open beer is not.  An example, you ask?

Hanging over a cliff:  Woman? Tousled but okay.  Beer?  Spilt.

Runaway automobile:  Woman?  Dazed but still able to go out for a night of dining and romance.  Beer? Spilt.

Mugger:  Woman?  Upset and no longer able to pay fer dinner, but still able to go to the ATM.  Beer?  Spilt or stolen.

Bear attack:  Woman?  Maybe a little clawed up, but basically serviceable. Beer?  Spilt and maybe even drunk by the bear.

Nuclear explosion:  Well, I gotta admit that there ain't too many winners in that example, but I gotta lean toward the woman again cause she mights get some special radiation powers like being able to clean things up with her mind or cook dinner just by touching it.  Plus the remote possibility of super-enhanced woman parts.

Anyway, try to keep yer priorities straight when faced with difficult situations like those above and don't open yer beer until you have to.

Rock on!

Cousin Willie