Ask Cousin Willie: B.O. from D.C. needs some advice from Cousin Willie

Dear Cousin Willie,


Lately I've grown disenchanted with my job.  It seemed like a wonderful opportunity when I took it, but things have really gone downhill since then.  No matter what I try to do I can't seem to make anyone happy.  Do you have any advice?  By the way, in honor of President's Day, who's you favorite leader of the free world?


Best wishes,


B.O. in D.C.

Dear B.O.

I hear ya, brother.  Your particular plight reminds me of my high school days when I was in charge of the corner Drink-N-Drive.  All my buddies would come by hopin' to get some free beer just 'cause they knew me.  And my boss wasn't too keen on me givin' away the beer.  What was a poor redneck boy to do?

Much like King Salmon of the Bible I came up with a solution:  I drank every last beer myself.  That way it wasn't around to tempt nobody into doin' somethin' they wouldn't be happy with.

So my advice to you is find out where your boss keeps all the beer, drink it, and bam!  Problem solved.

And to answer yer last question, I have always been fond of President Clinton mostly on account of him havin' that alter ego Slick Willie that I can identify with.

I likes me George Warshington cause we both have some teeth problems.

James K. Polk 'cause his name makes me giggle.

Grover Cleveland 'cause I likes Sesame Street.

Abe Lincoln 'cause I feel sorry for his unfortunate hair style.

Richard Milhous Nixon 'cause he was named after that kid from the Simpsons.

James Madison 'cause of his wife's pies.

But mostly Rutherford B. Hayes and Teddy Roosevelt, 'cause you know that with names like Rutherford and Teddy they had to be tough ol' SOBs.

Good luck with yer job and make sure to lock the door 'til the beer is all gone.

Rock on!

Cousin Willie