Dear Cousin Willie,
I'm concerned about my youngest son, Milford. He has always been a straight-A student, a courteous young gentleman and my pride and joy. Now he's lost all interest in school, he's hanging out with some really seedy characters and spends all day on the Internet looking at porn!!
He has a real chance to get a scholarship to a good school but only if he gets his act together.
What do I do?
Sally from Seattle
Dear Sally,
I've known many, many people like Milford in my life and I must admit that I hated every one of them. Showin' off all they good manners and excusin' theyselves after they break wind and the like...it makes the rest of us look bad! Was his daddy English or somethin'?
I suspect that after spendin' some time with these "seedy characters" you'll see yer son in a better light. Especially after he gets outta prison and rehab and all. Nowhere to go but up from there, I always say...
Wait one gosh-darned minute. The Internet has porn!?! When did this happen and why hasn't nobody told me?
I'll be right back.
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