Dear Cousin Willie,
Well I missed gold at the Olympics again. I just don't get it. What kind of world do we live in where a guy can't party all night, show up on time and not beat the rest of the field? Willie, my man, you of all people should understand my pain.
What can I do get my groove back? Should I take it on the straight and narrow and give up my playboy ways?
Bode from N.H. but stuck in Vancouver
Dear Bode,
It is indeed a tragedy of Greek proportions that major party hounds like the two of us gots to explain why we likes to party. It is not only our right as big time studs to ROCK ON but I say it is our duty! So if I hear any more talk about you slowin' down I will personally come over and kick your ski-suited butt.
While I got yer attention, maybe you can explain a few things about winter Olmpicanin'...
Do they let regular guys like us in the biathlon or is it only for the...you know...undecided folk?
What is a Nordic and why do people want to jump over it? Is it like one a them furry elephants?
Why would anyone want to do Snowboring? That can't be no fun at all and probably won't get you no chicks.
I think I would rock it at the Luge. I can spit like nobody's bidness.
Why would any guy admit that he was into Curling? Might as well sign up for Baking...at least then you can make yerself somethin' to eat when you gots no women to come over and do it for ya.
And speed skating?!? I thought they drug tested you guys!
Well anyway, best of luck with the partyin'. If you need help with any of them cute figger skaters you know who to call.
Rock on!
Cousin Willie
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